its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The air was thick with penises
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize