This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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