Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
