That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
