i would punch a child for taco bell
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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