You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
