somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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