You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
