no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
