He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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