Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
