And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
