THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
