some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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