You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
