I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
