Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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