How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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