she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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