This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
