if you like me you must not know who I am
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
