i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize