roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
