bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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