then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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