hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
