I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
