I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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