This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
