Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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