Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
