Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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