the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
