the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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