Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
