I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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