I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
