Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
