Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
