Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
