Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize