I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
