Pappa wants mamma naked
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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