Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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