I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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