It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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