i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize