Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
