god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
