new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
