I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Screwed.edu
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
