Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
