All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize