I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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