if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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