this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
