I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
