perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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