The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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