naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
