Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
