haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
