Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
