I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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